If your ipod/iphone music is at top volume but still not as loud as you like, try placing it in a glass cup. (I won't go through the scientific explanation, google will help you with that.) This is a simple but effective/weird trick.

Tips: Sounds vary from cup to cup, depending on the height and material. Works best if the cup is taller than the ipod/phone.
Warning: Make sure there is no water in the cup first. (This should be obvious, but I need to say this for some of you morons out there.)

Ever had a friend that always asks you for a ride? You don't have to say no and break their heart, you just have to annoy them by driving like a moron:

1. When you get in the car, stare at the pedals and say "Which one is the gas pedal again?"
2. Fill the backseat with stuffed animals. Buckle their seatbelts every time you get in the car.
3. Turn the radio on to loud classical music. Open the windows so people on the road get to
listen too. If your passenger tries to turn it off, slap their hand.
4. Talk about how much you love tomato juice the whole time. Share your experience of
the best tomato juice stores and discounts.
5. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the passenger.
6. Honk your horn at everything.
7. Swear at everyone on the road.
8. Hand the passenger a mirror and insist they hold it up while you drive so you can see the back. Don't look at the mirror.
9. When it's cold outside, refuse to close the windows. Say that you get claustrophobic.
10. Ask the person to feed you because you want to keep both hands on the wheel.
11. Ask the passenger to retrieve items from the glove box for you. When they can't find it, say "That's right. I left it in my other car."
12. Whenever you are parked, get out and walk around the car inspecting your "driving skills." Measure the lines and see how "perfectly" you were able to park. Make the passenger record the numbers.
13. When you are looking right, make sure you do so by leaning towards your passenger and leering
at them.
14. Every 5 seconds, look over you shoulder and ask "Are they still following me?"
15. Announce your every movement "I'm stopping at a red light. I'm looking to my left. I'm looking to my right."
16. Every few minutes, lift your hand off the steering wheel and (lightly) slap your passenger in the face. Apologize and say your hand fell asleep.
17. Poke your passenger every few minutes and ask "Hey, are you still alive?" Say that you're just double-checking after what happened to your last passenger....
18. Refuse to talk about what happened to your last passenger.
19. Leave the wind-shield swipers on when it's not raining.
20. When you see a large vehicle in front of your, refuse to change lanes. Wait until you're right behind the vehicle and then scream "Where the heck did this truck come from?!"
21. Ask your passenger take notes about the other drivers.
22. Talk about how bad-ass you are because you're going 1 mile/km above the speed limit.
23. Tell your passenger how much road-kill you've picked up over the years.

Disclaimer: We are not reponsible for any arrests, injuries and/or death.

You know that restaurant? Yeah, the one on [insert street name here] street. Always giving you bad service. If their service doesn't meet your standards, there's only 3 things to do: Lower your standards. Complain. Or annoy the waiter/waitresses:
Note: Works best if you are eating with 1 or more people.

1. If they ask you a dumb question like "Would you like a table?" Say "No. I was planning to sit on the ground. Carpet for 4 please."
2. Ask to change seats 3 times before you settle down because "the feng-shui in this place is strong. I must pick the correct seat to avoid an unbalance in the universe."
3. After reading the menu, loudly announce "I've done it. I've successfully memorized this menu in 50.6 seconds."
4. When the server comes to take your order, say "Finally! I've been waiting for 30 minutes!" If they protest that you just sat down, look at your watch and say "Ooops. Guess my watch was broken again."
5. Call everyone around your table different names every time so the waiter/waitress can't remember your names. "Joe wants to order a steak." "Can you bring Sam a glass of water?" "Hey Bob, the steak you ordered is ready."
6. Have trouble selecting between 2 items on the menu. Ask the waiter/waitress many questions about the two items. Then say "Oh my god! This is too complicated...You know what? I'll just take a grilled cheese."
7. Insist that you must eat your dessert first because "the world can end at any moment. I don't want to be deprived of my one joy in life before then."
8. Order a diet water.
9. Say you are on a diet. Order all desserts. (I've actually seen lots of people doing this...)
10. Speak in a posh british accent "I want to order your most expensive meal stuffed inside your second most expensive meal."
11. Ask them if the ingredients are organically grown. Show interest and ask questions: Where? How? When? Really? Then what happens? Now that's just silly.
12. Order a complicated meal. "I want a spaghetti with 8.5 meatballs. It must be covered with a few slices of Mozzarella di Bufala cut in 45 degree increments spread out and sprinkled with parmigiano cheese."
13. Order disgusting things. "I want a coffee hotter than Texas mule butt. If there's any foam on top, please blow it off with a fart."
14. Change your accent every time the waiter/waitress comes around.
15. After they deliver your food, switch the plates with the people around your table. Take one bite out of it, then switch the plates again. (I always do this.)
16. Everytime they deliver a dish, ask them "Did you spit in this?"
17. Ask the people around you "Hey, can I taste that?"
18. Pour salt and pepper into your water. Stir. Ask them to bring you another glass of water because your glass is now "salty and brown."
19. Propose a toast every 10 minutes. Stand up, clink your glasses/drinks together and say "To successfully robbing that bank last week" "To finally getting my pet snake cremated" "To finally getting rid of that toe fungus."
20. Scratch your back with your fork. Continue eating.
21. Go to the washroom. Come back and tell your waiter/waitress "Toilet stall number 2 ran out of toilet paper... You know, those were the most comfortable toilets I've ever sat on."
22. Ask the waiter/waitress out. (Hey, you might get lucky.)
23. Ask them "Hey, where's Piazzo? The blond italian waiter, what happened to him?"
24. When the waiter/waitress is close to your table, hand your friend a portfolio and loudly whisper "Remember, deliver it to the Red Lobster by 8:06pm this Sunday. This conversation must remain
confidential."
25. Confirm with the waiter/waitress that the napkins are free. Order 14 napkins.
26. Hide your fork in your jacket. Keep telling your waiter/waitress "I don't know what happened to it. It just disappeared! Can you bring me a new fork?" Repeat. When leaving the restaurant, make sure you trip and let the fork slip out of your jacket. "Oh. So that's where it went..."
27. Go to a gourmet restaurant. At the end of the meal, say "I should've went to the fast food restaurant instead."
28. Poke the waiter/waitress with your spoon to get their attention.
29. Loudly sniff your food before eating it.
30. Tell your waiter/waitress "There's an odd number of ice cubes in my glass. This brings bad luck. Can you please place 1 more ice cube in my glass to even it out?"
31. Discuss weird things with the people at your table. "You know, my toe fungus still won't go away. I think it's getting infected."
32. In the middle of a meal, get up and tell your waiter/waitress "If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom."
33. After going to the washroom, ask the waiter/waitress "Why is it called a "restroom?" Where's the beds and sofas in there?"
34. Ask if they have a seniors discount. Then ask "Hey, can I have the mediterranean discount? What do you mean you don't have one?! This restaurant is discriminating against us mediterraneans..."
35. Look at the menu and say "What would you recommend?" Don't order what they
recommended.
36. Every time the waiter/waitress comes to your table, say "Finally!"
37. Ask for their autograph.
38. Give them your phone number and say "In case the chef ever goes nuts, quits or...you know. I'll be happy to take his/her place."
39. Tell the waiter/waitress "Oh my god. I just realized poop spelled backwards is poop!" Write the word all over a napkin to prove it.
40. When they walk by, tell them "You're going to have to stick with me. I have short-term memory loss. How long have I been here again?" Do this every 5 minutes.
41. Before eating, stick a ruler in your food and measure it. Record the numbers down on a clipboad. Inspect the dish with a magnifying glass.
42. Fill a spray bottle with water. Constantly spray the table and other people to "keep the atmosphere fresh."
43. Sit on your friend's lap and take a bite of his/her food. Move on to your next friend until you reach everyone at the table.
44. Ask your waiter/waitress to bring you a pillow because "I just recovered from a car accident and I still have butt problems. This chair is making my butt sore."
45. Wiggle your butt in the air every time before you sit down.
46. Constantly re-adjust everything at your table: forks, plates, napkins.
47. Order a soda. Whisper in the waiter/waitress' ear "Remember, we never had this conversation."
48. At the end of your meal, tell them "The faster you bring my check, the faster I will leave." They're going to leave skid marks on your face.
49. Eat the check. Ask them to bring you a new one.
50. Go to the restaurant again the next day.

Tips: Tell your friends/eating buddies that you are going to be annoying beforehand, and get them to play along. Please remember to tip your waiter/waitress generously after being such an annoying customer.
Warnings: You may get kicked out or banned from the restaurant. Maybe even arrested. So choose a restaurant you don't like.

It's amazing what you come up with when you want to get rid of someone. Maybe you're too nervous. Maybe you just like being an ass. Either way, here's a few extremely mean break-up lines:

1. "I think I'm allergic to you. *sneeze* Oh my god. *sneeze* I'm sorry *sneeze* this isn't working out. *sneeze* Bye."
2. "The mothership has finally returned to pick me up. I'm sorry but it may be 13.668 light years before I can return to earth. Farewell."
3. "I only dated you because you smelled like bacon and cookies...kind of reminds me of my dead grandmother....but now you just smell plain weird. And I can't deal with that."
4. "I've been seeing someone else. They told me I had to choose someone...and I decided to choose neither. I figured I'm better off without both of you. So bye."
5. "I'm sorry. I found someone better."
6. "Hey, meet [insert name here]. He/She's your new replacement."
7. "Sorry, training for the Olympics just takes up too much of my time. I can't fit you into my schedule anymore."
8. "I'm not dumping you. I'm letting you go."
9. "I ran out of dump lines so I'm just going to use something unoriginal and tell you it's over. It's not you, it's me."
10. "I'm sorry, I have to break up with you. It's best that we start seeing other people. And no, we can't be friends."
11. "I'm going to commit suicide. After dating you, hell should be a breeze."
12. "I'm actually a secret agent working for the F.E.I. I've completed my mission and I will be deported soon. Remember that what happened between us must remain confidential."
13. "My psychiatrist thinks it's best I stop seeing people...Don't worry, it's only for a little while."
14. Send them flowers with the following note: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I just dumped the garbage, now I'm dumping you."
15. "I'm sorry. My ex just got out of prison and still has feelings for me. I'm leaving you for him/her. For your safety, please don't follow me. My ex has no problem going BACK to prison..."
16. "Sorry. Can we reschedule our date? I forgot I already have a cult meeting at the local cemetery this Friday. We're worshipping our Dark Lord, but newcomers are always welcome if you're interested..."
17. "I have to break up with you. I took an IQ test the other day and my results went down. I think your stupidity is contagious."
18. "You can't make me laugh."
19. "I have something to tell you. I was sent from the future to annihilate [insert random name here]. You cannot tell anyone about this. It could alter the fate of mankind."
20. "You're always insulting me. I can't take it anymore!!!"
21. "I'm sorry. You look too much like my grandma. I thought I liked you enough in the beginning to let it go, but it's starting to creep me out. I can't do this anymore."
22. "I just can't get past the fact that you don't like cheese. All the people I've dated in the past loved cheese. This isn't going to work."
23. "My mom told me I could do better. It's not your fault, it's my mother's."
24. Send him/her a text that says "I.L.Y" (I'm Leaving You)
25. "I'm just not feeling it."
26. "I stayed up all night arguing with my dog. We both agree that I spend too much time with you. I don't want him to feel neglected, so it's best that we take a break. Permanently."
27. "I'm going through a weird phase. The other day...I discovered antlers growing out of my butt! What do you think this means?!"
28. "I need to find myself."
29. "I don't want to lie and give you some BS excuse, so I'll just say it all out loud. Plain and clear. I hate you. You're weird, you smell funny. You're insensitive and your jokes are lame. I'm breaking up with you. By the way, you're ugly too."
30. "I might have liked you in the past, but those feelings are LONG gone now."
31. "I've changed. I don't need you anymore."
32. "I think it's time you know the truth...I'm a vampire."
33. "Our astrology signs are not compatible, and I must follow my guiding star."
34. "I don't want to waste my time. Sorry, that came out wrong. I don't want YOU to waste YOUR time anymore."
35. "I'm holding you back. You need to move on to bigger and better things."
36. "It's not you. It's me. I have problems."
37. "I just got diagnosed with extreme stupidity. I'll understand if you don't want to continue this relationship any longer."
38. "My shrink tells me I should expand my horizons. That's why I started dating other people."

Warning: Some of these lines are not guaranteed to work, depending on the level of desperate-ness of your girlfriend/boyfriend. They might not take you seriously.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for you getting slapped or murdered for revenge. Keep in mind that
some people are sensitive and these lines are extremely hurtful. Use them at your own risk.

When he comes down the chimney...

1. "Accidentally" leave your fireplace on.
2. Leave him a bowl of salad instead of cookies and milk, with a note explaining "I think you could lose a few pounds."
3. Ask him why he can't just use the front door like a normal person. It's unlocked.
4. Leave a note saying you've gone on vacation. Ask him if he could water your plants.
5. Leave a note saying you want to rent a house-elf for Christmas to clean up after the parties.
6. Set a bear trap in the room.
7. Ask him for an autograph.
8. Try to buy a reindeer for your Taxidermy collection.
9. Leave a note saying you moved. Leave hints and send him on a scavenger hunt all over town to find your "new" house.
10. Tie him down and ask for his whole life story. Don't let him leave until you collect enough "research" for your new book.
11. Ask him what's in the burlap sack.
12. Sit on his lap and tell him in excruciating detail your whole life story and how you've tried to be good.
13. Ask him if you could have a bag of coal for your new barbeque grill.
14. Ask him how much he makes per hour.
15. Ask him how's the weather at the North Pole.
16. Ask him exactly how old is he. Find out his diet plan and how he lived such a long life from eating candy canes and cookies.
17. Show him your resume and explain you'd like a job at the Santa workshop.

Are you the type who loves messing with the authority? If yes, then here's some new ideas. If not, then it's time to try something new:

1. "Where'd you buy that cool uniform?"
2. "I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer."
3. If you get pulled over, say "I swear to drunk I'm not god."
4. When he/she talks to you, pretend to be deaf. Ask them "Can you speak louder? Sorry, I still can't hear you." Get them to stand directly beside you and yell in your ear. Then say "You don't have to yell! I'm right beside you!"
5. Keep forgetting things. Tell them "Sorry, I have short-term memory loss. You're going to have to bear with me."
6. Bride them with donuts.
7. If you have to sign a ticket, scratch your butt first. Then use the same hand to pick up his/her pen.
8. Leer at his badge and say "Where'd you get that badge? Summer camp?"
9. Walk by them and mutter "morons."
10. Try to rent their uniform for a costume party.
11. Ask them if they get discounts when buying donuts. Ask them "Can you buy a box for me? I'll love you forever."
12. Say "Isn't freedom great? I just got out of prison last week."
13. Say "Wanna hear the never-ending song? It goes like this..."
14. Speak in a different accent every sentence.
15. Ask them if they want to see your tangazanga.
16. Say "Hey, I remember you! Aren't you the one who arrested my mom last week?.....Please make sure she stays locked up."
17. Ask them a bunch of stupid questions about what's legal and what's not legal. ("Is it legal to paint my room Terrorist Green?"etc.)
18. Ask them how long will you be arrested for slapping a police officer.
19. Walk up to a cop and whisper in their ear "Listen closely. See that guy over there? Yeah, that guy! Yeah... I saw him eating expired donuts the other day. EXPIRED!"
20. "Hey jackass. I mean, hello Sir. Can you tell me the closest way to the supermarket?"
21. Walk up to a cop and say "Hey, you're the officer that arrested me last year. Yeah...good times eh?"
22. Call the officer "Clyde" even though it's not their name. If they correct you, apologize. Keep calling them Clyde.
23. Ask them if they can drive you home because you're tired and part of the community. Isn't it their job to help the community?

Warning: May get you arrested.

The title is self-explanatory. (Translation: I'm too lazy to write an intro.)

1. You tell them you don't want to be friends but they keep talking to you.
2. They keep asking you personal questions (especially questions about your relationships).
3. They have your phone number, address, or email even though you're just acquaintances.
4. You often see them around your workplace/neighborhood even though you know they don't live/work there.
5. You start seeing them around town often, during grocery shopping or something (exception: You live in a small town.)
6. They're always staring at you. One way to test this is to look bored, and then quickly glance at the clock and look back at them. (If they are watching you, they will automatically follow your eye movements and you will catch them staring.)
7. Their phone is always facing you when they're "texting" (They're probably secretly taking pictures of you)
8. They know lots of information about you that you've never told them.
9. Your friends ask about him/her.
10. He/she asks your friends about you frequently.
11. He/she calls you regularly even though you're just casual friends. They hang-up often or leave silent messages.
12. They send you texts that don't say anything (blank spaces. And they're wasting your phone
bill.)
13. They send you inappropriate gifts (such as flowers/chocolates) even when you've told them you're not interested. The gifts get weirder. Sometimes stalkers also give gifts anonymously.
14. The stalker magically shows up whenever you need help. (This doesn't apply if they work/live in the same neighborhood as you)
15. They offer to let you borrow their stuff.
16. They get extremely depressed when you don't show affection back.
17. They always have to butt in your conversations.
18. They always embarrass you in front of others.
19. They only talk to you when no one else is nearby.
20. They're always invading your personal space (standing WAY too close).

Disclaimer: This is not 100% accurate. The person could just really like you, or they're just plain weird. Or you're the one who's being paranoid.
Warning: If you find out that the person is stalking you, record all the weird stuff they've done to you, including the date, time, place and description (in case you decide to sue them later). If they  still don't get the message, threaten to call the police. Try to have friends/colleagues/family/witnesses around you at all times.

Whatever your reason, I don't really care. Someone just asked me to do this article. So here's how to do it:

1. Say that you aren't feeling well the day before. Act tired.
2. Stay up all night so your eyes will be puffy and bloodshot the next day. You'll also be dizzy and tired.
3. Do a lot of screaming the night before so you have a sore throat the next day. If you're a good actor, you can just pretend a sore throat.
4. Lay a heating pad over your face for a few minutes to make your face red and puffy. (Be careful
not to burn yourself.)
5. Or lay on the edge of the bed with your head hanging off the side so the blood rushes to your face. Or do a handstand if you can.
6. Don't attempt to do a handstand if you can't.
7. Put a thermometer into a glass of warm water to raise its temperature. Be careful it doesn't get
too high, or else your parents/friend/roommate/sibling/boss/person will make you see a doctor.
8. Don't forget the obvious: lay a warm cloth over your forehead to make it warm.
9. Spin around the room 25 times clockwise. Then 25 times counter-clockwise to make yourself dizzy.
10. Breathe in some pepper to make yourself sneeze (make sure you hide the pepper very well).
11. Blow your nose into tissues constantly.
12. Act cranky and uncomfortable all the time. Glare at people. Don't smile.
13. Don't eat so much. Lose your appetite.
14. Act like you have difficulty breathing.
15. Wear multiple layers of clothes and stay under the bed covers until you start sweating. Say that you're cold.
16. Pinch your cheeks often to make them stay red.
17. Act clumsy and move slowly.
18. If you're really good, fake coughing.
19. Don't drink so much water. Become dehydrated. This will make your skin tone worse and create a dry throat (it's only for a day).
20. Always wait for someone else to suggest you stay home.
21. Don't act eager when they suggest you stay home. Protest a bit first (don't overdo this or else they will make you go).
22. Show signs of improvement during the day, or else they'll get suspicious.
23. Don't magically get 100% better the next day.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for injuries relating to heating pads, vomiting, screaming,
dehydration, warm water, or handstands.

Easy:

1. Make sure no one is looking.
2. Peel off all the colored stickers.
3. Re-arrange them and stick them back on.

It all boils down to who eats who the fastest to survive. Just kidding. Science and technology is advancing faster than ever. Your local population being slaughtered or getting infected by some disease that still allows the functioning of limbs doesn't sound so far fetched as it used to. I think the possibility of a zombie attack is highly unlikely (impossible), but it's always good to be prepared, right? Just in case...
(besides, I'm running out of articles to write)

1. Most important rule of all: Do NOT get bitten. (That defeats the whole purpose of survival.) But if you do... well, I'm sure your friends will be gentle killing you.
2. If you can help it, don't be fat. Exercise! Build some muscle. Practice your running. Couch potatoes: good luck.
3. Make sure you're wearing comfortable high quality running shoes at all times (except when showering). You'll be doing a lot of running. Trust us.
4. Stock up your house with canned foods, water, medical kit, matches, clothes, ammunition, and weapons. (obviously common sense)
5. Have a backup for everything: generators, batteries, weapons, ammunition, food, escape routes, friends, transportation, leaders, toothbrush etc.
6. Hopefully you already know the zombie-obsessed weirdo in your town (you know who I'm talking about). They probably have all the items/knowledge needed to prepare for a zombie attack. They may even give you some helpful items/survival strategies. Also, they're going to be the first person to recognize a zombie outbreak.
7. Watch as many zombie movies as you can before the breakout. Even if you think they're stupid, you can still learn what kind of Things Not To Do During a Zombie Apocalypse from them.
8. Know your local stores. Gun stores. Grocery stores. Pharmacy stores. Plan the quickest route to get to them.
9. Don't feel bad about stealing items during this time. (The police are too busy with survival to care.)
10. Never let your guard down. Remember to sleep with one eye open. Don't trust your team-mates (if you have any).
11. Use common sense. Never panic. (I know, easier said than done).
12. Keep a radio with you. Pay attention to the news/media. You want to know the exact situation. Knowledge is power (or something like that)
13. Get the hell out of the city. There's too many people there. It's a zombie magnet.
14. Deserted places are sometimes a good idea, sometimes not. You will run out of supplies and there won't be a store within miles.
15. Evil people usually survive pretty long. Why? They have no hesitation to kill other zombies or friends that turn into zombies. And they're selfish and good at planning.
16. By the way, don't hang out with those people. They will turn you into zombie bait.
17. Stay close to large bodies of water. Buy a boat. Zombies aren't known for their ability to swim. (Just make sure YOU know how to swim.)
18. Make sure you're familiar with different types of guns. Semi-automatic rifles are pretty good. The ammunition is cheap so you can carry a lot of it. It also gets targets at a farther range.
19. Don't forget a spare gun.
20. Keep a handgun too. (Just in case you need to kill one of your teammates. You never know.)
21. Don't forget a pocket knife. Those things usually come in handy.
22. Aim for the head. That's where the brain is.
23. ALWAYS have lots of ammunition.
24. Carry a blunt tool with you in case you break rule number 23. Best choice would be a crowbar.
25. If you don't have close friends/cherished family members, good job! You will probably survive. There's no one to hold you back.
26. If you do have friends, avoid teaming up with them. What if you end up having to kill them? (Most people can't handle that emotional trauma)
27. If you broke the previous rule and if your friends turn into zombies. Kill them immediately. Just get it over with. Hesitation only makes things harder. If you'd rather die than kill them
and turn into a zombie, why are you reading this survival guide?
28. If you absolutely can not kill your zombie friend, leave them behind and get far away from that place. Make sure they are locked up. By the way, this reduces your chance of survival (if you had a
chance).
29. Don't elect a psychopath as your leader. Don't elect bloodthirsty killing machines either. Your best choice of a leader will be a muscular athletic nerd. Good luck finding those.
30. Girls: Get a boyfriend. He may end up saving you in a sticky situation. (emphasis on the may)
31. Guys: Tough luck. (Well, maybe you'll get lucky)
32. Whenever you enter a room, the first thing you should do is kill all zombies within sight. Second, scout the room for hiding zombies. Third, plan an escape route for later.
33. Have a back-up escape route.
34. Have a back-up back-up escape route.
35. Zombies don't sleep. Stock up on coffee.
36. Make sure you get SOME sleep. If you don't, you'll end up dead.
37. If you're in a team and sleeping in shifts, keep a weapon close to you. You're teammates may be plotting your end.
38. Keep clean. Take showers. Use soap. Brush your teeth.
39. Make sure you drink enough water and don't dehydrate. (obviously)
40. Only consume things that YOU have made. Don't trust others, they may be poisoning you.
41. Do NOT eat the zombies, no matter how hungry you get. They're full of diseases and you don't know how contagious they are. Besides, they're disgusting.
42. If you have any addictions that is not recommended by a doctor, get rid of them.
43. You should already have an evacuation route to get out of your town. This isn't just useful for zombie apocalypses, it's useful for environmental disasters too. (by the way, public transportation will probably be closed during zombie apocalypses so alwayshave a working vehicle of your own.)
44. Keep an eye on your vehicle's gas meter. If you run out of gas...sucks to be you. Also carry spare tires.
45. Always run if you can. Avoid fighting. Zombies usually travel in hoards (according to TV). It will take too long to fight them all and this gives a chance for more zombies to catch up. If
you insist on fighting, plan out the  attack very carefully (hopefully with a high rank military officer).
46. When you have to fight, fight dirty.
47. And maintain distance. Never physically fight with a zombie. You'll only get bit.
48. Don't use chainsaws to fight. (Seriously, dismembering zombies is a BAD idea). Stick to the original stuff: guns, vehicles, and blunt objects.
49. If you're stuck in a room with zombies out the door, try to block the door with chairs or something first! This will buy you 5 seconds to think of a plan.
50. Fire is a great weapon.
51. Try to get a military officer and medical and healthcare expert to join you in your quest for survival.
52. Wear comfortable clothes. Long sleeve shirts AND long sleeve pants. Make sure the material of your pants is hard and won't rip easily. Don't wear too many layers, it will slow you down while runnning. Important areas to protect are the head, arms, ankles, and neck.
53. Try to carry a leather jacket with you. They protect you from the cold/wind, and don't weigh you down.
54. Remember to charge your phone.
55. Make sure you have a few "friends" beside you. You never know when you might need to use them as zombie bait.
56. If you did use them as zombie bait and they survived, RUN! They'll be looking for revenge.
57. Carry a GPS and compass with you at all times. You better have all the large roads in your town
memorized by now.
58. So you've been walking for days until you see another group of survivors. Always observe them from a distance for a while to decide if the situation is safe to approach. Approach slowly and announce yourself, keep a weapon close at hand. (Or you could sneak up and kill them all. They might have some useful supplies.)
59. Remember, if you join their group, they will not appreciate you leaving (unless you're as annoying as me). Be careful who you team up with.
60. Beware aggressive people. Their rash decisions will lead you to your death. (But they're great at killing zombies).
61. Always scout the room for things you could use as weapons.
62. When you arrive at a shelter, turn off all the lights and barricade doors/windows (remember your escape route). The place should look dead and not attract attention.
63. The best shelter is someplace that's easy to defend and provides basic necessities. Large buildings are a bad idea because there's too many entrances to guard.
64. Study and know your enemy. (Know their routines, habits, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes etc.)
65. When you see someone being attacked by zombies, the smart thing to do would be to RUN. They're distracting the zombies long enough for you to get to your destination! Of course, saving the person would be the NICE thing to do.
66. Visit Home Depot and Walmart. They have tonnes of useful stuff. Beware, zombies tend to hang out there.
67. Avoid malls/schools and large public gatherings.
68. If you ever find yourself in a horde of zombies without a weapon, try acting like a zombie. (They're not supposed to be smart). You don't have any other options.
69. Practice your basic survival skills so you'll be ready: hunting, fishing, identifying nonpoisonous plants for food, building a fire without matches etc.
70. Hiding when zombies are knocking on your door is not a good strategy. It only buys you time, but you've got to get out of there.
71. If you are trapped in a room with zombies, you're dead.
72. Remember that zombies may not change their routine just because it's night time. Only travel in broad daylight when you can see better.
73. Remember to take a picture. (This could be a cool story to tell one day. You know, unless everyone else dies.)

Congratulations if you read this ENTIRE survival guide. You are not a lazy person (an extremely important quality needed for survival). Your chances of survival have gone up by 10%.
Lastly, Good Luck! (You'll need it.)

Disclaimer: These are only the basics. The zombie apocalypse has not happened yet, so we can not
guarantee that this survival guide works. (But it probably does).
Additional Stuff: Test your chances of survival at http://zomboid.com/zombie/ (I did not make this quiz)
Note: If you squirm at the sight of anything disgusting or faint at the sight of horror movies, don't bother. You're doomed.